Changes

I know it's been a while since I have blogged, but I am committed to writing daily. It is the only thing that maintains my sanity. With the hustle and bustle of daily life, it is important to take time out for yourself and reflect on your current situation. I am not going to say I am perfect, but I am growing into someone that I love very much. I have recently decided to to go natural and it has been almost 3 months since my last relaxer. Honestly, it has been quite a liberating experience. I feel that once I was freed from my hair, I noticed that the real me shined through. Now this is a process and some days are better than others, but I never wanna turn back to relaxing... I am growing daily and getting to know me is an exciting process. I have plans to start back to yoga and fine tuning this body. I need my inside to match my outer appearance.

Brownie Madness

It all started in the cafeteria of my high school. My friends and I were at lunch, swapping recipes for the perfect brownies…
“Well, you have to boil the weed with the butter so you don’t taste it.” Sheila said
“Where are we gonna make them?”
“My parents will be away this weekend, so we can make them at my house.”
After my friends had come to an agreement, there was nothing else said until we were unpacking our suitcases in our assigned hotel rooms for the Independent Schools Arts Showcase.
“Did you bring them, V?” Kathy asked, as she ran her hands through her fiery red hair.
“Yes,” Veronica said with a devious grin.
Betsy, Veronica, Sheila and Kathy crowded into the hotel room as I unpacked my belongings. We all agreed that we would eat a piece of brownie before we went to the Galleria.
I sat up in my bed and ate probably the most disgusting piece of shit that I ever tasted.
“This shit is nasty!” I said, trying to figure out why I ate it in the first place. "Obviously you did not boil the weed with the butter like Sheila told you."
“I knew I forgot something, but we are gonna be fucked up.” Veronica smirked, wiping shit crumbs from the corners of her chapped lips.
We walked out of the hotel to the Galleria, probably the biggest mall I’ve ever seen.
We were standing in the line at McDonalds, and I definitely wanted a Big Mac.
“Can you feel it, Bev,” Veronica asked as we sat down to eat.
“No, not yet, can you?” I asked.
“Yea I feel it.” Veronica smiled. “Can you feel it, Sheila?”
“Yea, I can feel it.” She said.
All of a sudden…BAM! It hit me like a freight train and then disintegrated into tiny molecules and voices. Getting…closer…larGER…LOUDER. SMACK! I hit the clothes rack, scattering the latest trends all over the black marble floor. As I appeared to be in somewhat of a drunken stupor, my friends rushed to sit me down.
“You gotta chill Bev; just let it run its course.” Veronica stated.
“What the hell do you mean let it run its course? This is not the fucking flu!” I exclaimed, barely able to make out her image, which was now blurring with this psychedelic world around me.
The voices getting closer…LOUDER…then growing legs and running away.
“Get me outta here! I wanna go home!” I cried, not able to hold back my tears any longer. I was in tears as we somehow made it back to the hotel room.
“Please bring me back to reality!” I pleaded to my boyfriend.
“What the hell did you eat? I told you not to eat that fucking shit!” He exclaimed.
That was it for my brownie escapade. As far as I am concerned, they can keep there brownies, I’m good.

Es como Quitarse dulces al bebe (It’s like taking candy from a baby)

Daniel always woke up early on Halloween to plot his attack on the unsuspecting trick-or-treaters. He relished in the misfortune of others. The plan this year was to have two of his accomplices hide in bushes with scream masks, jump out when trick-or-treaters walk by and steal their candy. They all knew it was a stupid prank to play, but after so many years, it was tradition. This year, Daniel wanted over the top, so he decided to dress up like Mike Myers and crash all the Halloween parties in town.
“Ok, so this year, I say we set a goal for 150 bags of candy,” Daniel smiled, as he rubbed his large hands together. One would definitely say that Daniel was a big guy. He stood 6 feet and 2 inches tall with spiky brown hair and brown eyes. This morning he wore a shirt that read: HITMAN FOR HIRE.
His accomplices, Jack and Freddie, were just as tall. Jack, was a chubby Cuban boy with glasses, he had thick, curly black hair and piercing blue eyes. He transferred from Miami a year ago, and with his rumored ties with the Mafia, no one dared to cross him. Freddie, on the other hand, was an awkward fellow. With bright red hair, green eyes and freckles, he was often made fun of as a child. That was until the day that Freddie flipped out and starting throwing tables and chairs in the middle of his first grade classroom. After that, no one messed with Freddie.
“Why 150? Why not 200?” Jack inquired as he put on his You Talkin to me Scarface t-shirt and bent down to put on his socks.
“Every year we go up 50 bags, you know the deal.” Daniel said, opening his closet to reveal the scream masks, still packaged in plastic.
“Why can’t we go up 100 bags this year?” Jack asked, while putting on his Air Jordan sneakers.
“I don’t know Jack. That has been the plan since we were sophomores.” Freddie replied as he took a drag from his Marlboro.
“Fucking maricons! We need to do something big. We are seniors now and we need to show them whose boss. We are the vaqueros oscuros, and we don’t want those vendejos to forget it!” Jack exclaimed, with his fist in the air.
“Hell yeah man! Nacho bell fucking grande man! We need to turn this motherfucker out!” Jack shouted, now energized from the Jack’s declaration of power.
“Alright, but I don’t wanna regret this,” said Freddie, still a bit hesitant of the idea. Freddie was, if possible, the voice of reason for this troublesome trio. He always did the research, followed protocol and never deviated from a plan that worked.
The three boys agreed to meet later that evening at Jack’s house since his grandmother was out of town. Jack and Freddie were to be dressed in all black and Daniel refused to tell them what he was wearing. “It will be a surprise,” he said.
Jack’s house was quite modest, which was a vast difference from the life he led in Miami. It was a three bedroom two bath brown and tan house with stairs leading to the porch that creaked more with each step. The house had been in the family forever. Even when Jack’s father offered to buy the house from her and buy her a home in Miami, she refused. She didn’t agree with Jack’s father’s lifestyle; fast cars, lots of money and lots of women. Jack never really knew his mother, she left when he was only 6 months and never bothered to make contact after that. His father sent him to live with his grandmother after Jack got into some trouble with the law. His father had to flee the country temporarily following a drug deal gone badly and he knew that if Jack remained in Miami, the police might try to set him up. So two days later, Jack stepped off the Greyhound in Columbus, Ohio.
The banging on the door rattled any presence of peace that might have been left by Jack’s grandmother.
“Un momento, por favor. I am putting my pants on.” He winked as Sally, a cheerleader for the Varsity squad, as she pulled her tank top on. “See you later papi,” she smiled and went out the back door.
Jack opened the door to see Freddie with a large black duffel bag. “Man I just got the best piece of ass man. I mean mami was doin it all.”
“I never get ass,” said Freddie, walking into the house. He put the bag on the floor and collapsed onto the suede sofa. “Have you talked to Daniel?”
“No, I was too busy tappin ass.” Jack smiled as he fastened the belt on his pants.
A loud knock at the door caught Jack off guard; he went back into defense mode and grabbed his grandmother’s shot gun. He opened the door to find someone in a Mike Myers costume.
Daniel quickly removed the mask in fear.
Jack snapped out of it, “Daniel, don’t be fuckin knocking on my door like that, I thought you were la policía.”
“Yo man, you need a drink or something.”
“So let’s get going already.”
The three boys assumed there positions and waited for the first group of trick-or-treaters to walk by.
“Es como Quitarse dulces al bebe,” said Jack rubbing his chubby palms together.
A group of young children walked by Jack’s bush and he jumped out of the bush. The children screamed, dropped their bags, heavy with delectable treats, and scattered. Jack grabbed the bags and counted 10 bags. He repeated this with a group of third graders and hit the jackpot, 25 bags of candy. But he wasn’t satisfied, he wanted more. He jumped out when he saw a group of freshman and met his fate. One boy punched Jack in the stomach, while another held him in a chokehold. A girl walked up and snatched the glasses off his faced and stepped on them with her Mary Janes. Jack could hear the sirens of the police cars growing closer. He knew it was too late.
Freddie, who had a modest 10 bags of candy, saw this and decided to make a run for it. He took off through the ally that was next to his bush, only to find the police at the end of the ally. They apprehended him and told him that Daniel was found dead in a dumpster. Unless he gave up their plan, they would charge him with murder.
“Frederick James Jones, what the hell are you doing here?” Freddie’s mother shouted as she made her way to his cell.
“You had better tell them everything you know, you fucking twit!” His father demanded as he stood in front of Freddie’s cell.
“That’s just it, Dad. I don’t know what happened to him. We were just gonna take candy bags, that’s all.”
“What is this about you planning the crime? That is what the Cuban boy’s lawyer is saying.” His father exclaimed, barely able to hold back his anger.
“Dad, I didn’t do it,” Freddie tried to explain
“What the fuck ever, you pathological liar! You can rot in here for all I care; you are too much of an expense anyway!” He father screamed and walked away with his mother, who was sobbing.
And it was the talk of the town. They never did forget the disbandment of the troublesome trio. Jack went back to Miami, cleared of all charges; Freddie got life in prison; Daniel was dead, or so they thought…

New Beginnings (Growing Pains)

Beverly sat on the chaise of her burgundy leather sectional, trying to understand how she had gotten herself into this mess. She recalled several conversations that rushed past her ears like an indie race car. There has got to be some way for me to get out of this mess…she thought, as she grabbed her glass of chocolate milk off the oak coffee table.
“You ok baby?” her husband, Mario, inquired, noticing the lifeless expression on her face.
“Not really, I mean I don’t know what to say to her. She is my mother and I love her, but she is really being unreasonable. I can’t believe that she is going to sell the house that holds so many memories. On top of that, she had the nerve to tell me that I would have to bring my credit score up if I wanted to buy it. I kinda feel bad for telling her that she should not be here for the birth of Jazarah and Jariah.” She felt a kick from each of her unborn children as she said there names.
“No matter what she does, she’s still your mom.”
“I know, but I want our children to see where I grew up.”
“Is that more important than your mother seeing her grandchildren be born?”
“Not at all, this is why I am trying to figure out what the hell I am going to do.”
“You need to call your mom, and if not, I am gonna call her.”
“Ok, but can we at least go eat breakfast first? I am having a craving for IHOP’s pumpkin pancakes.” She smiled, rubbing her ever-growing belly.
“How can I say no to such a beautiful face? Of course we can go.” Mario reached for her coat while hugging her from behind. “My beautiful wife is carrying my beautiful daughters.” Beverly smiled and grabbed her purse. Being the doting husband he was, he opened the door and helped his very pregnant wife to the car.

* * * * * * *

The IHOP smelled of freshly cooked bacon, eggs and, of course, pancakes. The array of smells all hit her nose at once. Almost in unison the babies kicked in delight. I’ll ask them to make sure they put some peanut butter on my pancakes this time…she thought, licking her freshly moisturized lips. Mario smiled at Beverly, taken by the magnificence of his wife’s voluptuous pregnant figure. She sauntered to there table, where he ever so gently pulled out the chair and made sure that she was comfortable before he sat down.
“You have such a great husband,” the waitress commented, “what will you all have today?”
“Let the lady go first,” he said.
“I would like a short stack of pumpkin pancakes with a side of peanut butter, plain eggs and turkey sausage.”
“A bowl of fresh fruit for her as well,” he said with a more serious expression on his face. He wanted to make sure she was eating as healthy as possible.
“And what can I get for you sir?” The waitress asked, jotting down the previous order.
“A garden omelet with buttermilk pancakes and a coffee, and please make sure to bring a to-go box.”
“For the lady?” the waitress inquired
“No, for him.” Beverly stated, fully aware that she would eat every delectable morsel on her platter. Since the gastric by-pass surgery he had only two years earlier, he was only able to eat a small amount at any sitting. The husband and wife engaged in small talk, while waiting for the food to come.
“So what is on the agenda for today?” her husband asked, adjusting the silk tie around his neck.
“Well it is about time that we go and register at Babies-R-Us and Wal-Mart, I mean the baby shower is right around the corner.”
“Do you think they are going to have one at work for you too?” he asked, rubbing his wife’s swollen feet under the table.
“Probably, they keep hinting at it.”
“Well, if not, we will be fine.”
The couple sat in silence while eating. They were meditating and focusing on all the tasks they had to complete for the day.

* * * * * * *

The Rug Rats ringtone from her phone broke the peaceful silence the two created.
“Hello,” she answered, still startled by the ring.
“Look, I wanted to…” her mother started
“Mom, I am so sorry for what I said. I want you to be there when your grandbabies are born. If you want to sell the house that is your choice.”
“That’s just it; I didn’t know you were so attached to this place. If you want the house, it’s yours.” Her mother said, fully aware that this would only make her look better, but never expecting the answer she got.
“We would love to, how much would you sell it to us for?”
“Umm…uhh…let me call you back.” Her mother stumbled over her words in disbelief and hurried off the phone.

* * * * * * *
A few months later…
The ride to the hospital was filled with screams.
“This is bullshit!” Beverly exclaimed
Beverly was in the delivery room with her feet in cold metal stirrups.
“Push,” the doctor yelled from underneath her. She squeezed her Mario’s hand and pushed with every ounce of energy she had. The doctor took her hand so that he could show her the baby was crowning.
“She’s almost here baby,” her husband said, tears welling up in his eyes.
“Thank God I took the epidural, cause there is no way in hell I was doing this natural,” she said and continued to push out Baby # 1. The labor and silence was broken by the shrill cry of the beginning of life.
“She is beautiful,” her mother and Mario exclaimed in unison.
She continued pushing to reveal and second miracle, this is when she let go of the little strength she had left and collapsed into her husbands embrace.
“Honey you are amazing,” he said, no longer able to hold back tears. He ran out to tell his family the good news.
“Hallelujah,” his mother exclaimed from the hallway.

* * * * * * *
She held Jazarah in her arms and looked over at her husband, who was putting Jariah to sleep. Soon they would be in there home, not only to reminisce on past memories, but to create new ones. Her mother wound up selling her the house for what was left to be paid on it and getting an apartment nearby. His mother would be moving in for a short time until she found a place that was close. This was only the beginning of their growing pains.

The Fate of the Office Gossip

Keisha walked up to Natasha. “Girl, did you hear what happened to Myeshia?” Keisha asked.
"No, girl, what happened?” Natasha grew excited for the latest gossip.
“I heard she got fired for fraud.”
By this time, Stephanie had joined the conversation.
“For real? I heard that she was under investigation by HR for inappropriate relationships with other reps.”
“Somebody needs to find out what really happened, because this is crazy,” Natasha stated, as she grabbed a ponytail holder out of her purse. “Let’s ask Marcy, she knows everything.”
Marcy was surrounded by a large group of people, exchanging the latest gossip in the cafeteria. She was a short red-head that people typically heard before they saw. Whenever she was exchanging the latest gossip, her green eyes glowed with excitement. This day in particular, she was wearing her “know-it-all” hot pink tee with her white capri pants.
“So, she supposedly was messing around with another representative in the parking lot after work and security caught them.” Marcy went so far as to name the representative that was “supposedly” involved.
*
Everyone is aware of a game called telephone, which involves telling one person a secret and what happens is by the time the secret travels through about 15 – 20 people, it is so exaggerated, that it does not even resemble what really happened. One can only imagine what happened in this case. Johnny, who was the person named as the rep involved with Myeshia, was more than offended by the version that he overheard Natasha telling Stacy.
“Girl, so I hear that Myeshia got pregnant by Johnny and she is going to take him to court for child support. On top of that, he gave her a STD,” Natasha said.
“That is a shame. Men need to take care of their responsibilities. That is so nasty.” Stacy sighed and looked at her computer screen.
Appalled by what was said, Johnny glared at Natasha. Natasha happened to see Johnny out of the corner of her eye. This did not stop Natasha, because as far as she knew, this was a true story.
“Girl, he has the nerve to look mad. He’s just mad because now that everyone knows he has an STD, no one will sleep with him,” Natasha laughed and smoothed down her khaki skirt.
Johnny, who had recently applied for a supervisor position, was afraid that this would affect his chances of getting the position and was furious. He followed the proper channels and went to Human Resources about the issue. He could barely hold back his overflowing anger as he reached for the door to HR. Trying to maintain his composure; he smoothed down the collar of his button down shirt and ran his hand over his smooth bald head.
*
“Girl, did you hear about Johnny?” Stacy squealed as she put the last bobby pin in her freshly made bun of micro braids.
“No, what happened?” Marcy inquired as she flipped through her latest In Touch magazine.
“I heard that Johnny went to HR about rumors going around about him.”
“I doubt it.”
By the end of the day there were more than fifty people who either received meeting makers from HR, or were escorted off the floor. The fate of the Office Gossip was yet to come.
Marcy was asked to meet with Mrs. Wyndam, the head of Human resources. She slowly grabbed her purse and headed down, what seemed to be, the longest hallway ever. She opened the door to HR and sat down in an orange plush cushioned chair. How ironic, such a warm chair, for such a cold place…she thought.
Marcy sat with her hands folded; her palms were drenched in the sweat of guilt, and her heart was pounding out of her chest. What do they want me in here for? I hope he didn’t really go to HR. What am I going to do? Thoughts raced through her head as she waited for her impending fate.
“Mrs. Wyndam will see you now, Marcy,” the secretary politely said and motioned for Marcy to come into the room.
“Good afternoon, Marcy. I am sure that you are aware of the office policies that state: Not Here, Not Ever, correct?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Well it has come to our attention that there are several rumors coming from you regarding several of our employees’ personal lives, and this is not the first time that you have been addressed by us.”
“I understand.”
“We do not, under any circumstances, tolerate any form of harassment. As a result, we are going to have to let you go. But, I will give you the opportunity to resign first.”
“What was said?”
“Several rumors that were started by you were not only verified by the employees, but the management team as well.”
“Look, I have kids, is there anything that can be done to rectify this?” Marcy said with tears in her eyes.
“Unfortunately, no, please hand me your badge, and your items on your desk are being collected by your supervisor.”
So the Office Gossip became the talk of the Office. And Natasha was quite willing to take the position of the New Office Gossip.
“Girl, did you hear what happened to Marcy?” Natasha smirked.

copywritten September 25, 2008

My life story...(Past,Present, Future and Eulogy)

I was born on June 27, 1984 to Max and Beverly Potts.



I was the first girl to my father and the apple of his eye. My father, however, had congestive heart failure and was in poor health. He passed away when I was only 18 months old, because of this, I don’t remember much about him. My mother remarried to my stepfather, Tony Bradford, a year later. My life changed drastically when I learned my parents were having another baby. My brother, Anthony Bradford was born on February 9, 1989. By this time I was attending Pre-K at Friends University. I went from becoming a big sister to having my first crush on a boy named John Browning. When Friends University closed down their school, I was only in the first grade/ second grade combination class. My stepfather adopted me and gave me his last name so that I would feel included in the family. My mother was told that OK Elementary had an excellent gifted program and that I was a gifted child.
Elementary school probably housed some of the worst memories of my life. Being that I spent my first few years in private school, I had a hard time adjusting to kids that were more concerned with being disruptive than learning. Despite this, I excelled academically with the help of my teachers and the encouragement of my family. I learned how to overcome adversity, maintain a positive attitude and keep my eyes on the prize.
My mother was insistent on me attending the same school as my brother because of the academic opportunities. From the 6th grade to the 12th grade I attended Wichita Collegiate School, a private school for K-12. It was these 6 years that shaped me for college. I learned life lessons, experienced hardships and firsts, and grew into my creative talents. Overall, I became an individual in these years. My poetic talents surfaced in the sixth grade when we had to write poems for assignments. I received recognition in the seventh grade when I wrote an essay about Alzheimer's that was published in newsletter. My parents’ divorcing when I was 13 was something that caused me to rebel. My academics suffered, as well as my self esteem. I started hanging with the wrong crowd, trying to find a place to belong. This is around the time I met my ex- best friend, Kenalee.
Over the next few years, my exposure to boys was extreme. I believe I spent a lot of time looking for male love and acceptance in the wrong places over the next few years.



The one event in my life that stands out the most was the death of Granny on February 16, 2001. This is the moment when I found some direction in my life. I became focused and most fascinated by death. This is when I decided that I would major in forensic pathology. I found that this program was one of the listed majors at the University of Central Florida. I applied and then began the process of convincing my mother. Over the summer following my junior year, I lost my virginity to the boy my mother hated. His name was CJ Cox and he was the football player from public school, wannabe thug, cheater that broke my heart time and time again. By the time my senior year was over, I had outgrown him and was dating a sophomore in college by the name of Marlon. He was a more mature a better influence. He taught me about being with someone who is proud to be with you. During my senior year, Kenalee and I had a falling out and we stopped speaking. Looking back, I wanted to protect her, but had a problem with her promiscuity. When I moved to Florida, Marlon chose to end the relationship because he felt that I needed to venture out and not be tied to a relationship. After experiencing my new found freedom, I tried another long distance relationship with a guy in West Palm. Of course it did not work out and at the end of the semester I found myself on academic probation because my lack of structure ultimately was my demise. My mother was furious. After a trip home, fresh perspective and a new love interest, Jermaine, I was ready to start my second semester. This semester, Kenalee and I resolved our differences and she even came to visit. During her visit, she helped me kick out my current boyfriend who was cheating on me. She told me that if I took him back, I would fail out of school. Took him back, failed out of school.
Letting him go was harder than I thought. He continued to flaunt women in my face and even messing around with Priscilla, a girl I befriended at a telemarketing job. Priscilla and I had a falling out and we stopped speaking. Looking back, I wanted to protect her, but had a problem with her promiscuity.
After all the madness, Kenalee came to cheer me up. I did not know it, but she was the reason that I met my fiancé, Mario. I had come to terms with myself and what I wanted in a mate.

Mario and I met in a clothing store. After hanging out with him, we shared our first kiss and the rest was history.

Kenalee and I had a falling out and we stopped speaking. I was old enough to realize that she envied the new relationship that Mario and I had. She was the first of many.
Mario was different from the others; he appreciated me and cherished me. Mario forced me to cut the umbilical cord from my mother. He made me stand up to her and this resulted in me showing my independence to my mother. This has made my mother respect me as an adult and made our bond stronger.
After we got our first place together, we began to take on responsibility as adults. Mario and I depended on each other. We got to know one another and grew closer over the next three years. We experienced many ups and downs over the next three years that not only challenged our relationship, but strengthened our bond. Mario and I worked to pay off debts that we incurred to build our credit. Mario even proposed and now we are engaged. We just recently moved to our new place and are focused on building a foundation for a successful marriage and future.
In the next ten years I see myself married with 2-4 kids. I want to be a homeowner. My career will be in psychology, I will have a PhD in psychology and I want to make $80,000 to $120,000 per year. I would also like to write poems and short stories. I also want to work with gifted children to help them utilize their talents and adjust in school.
My eulogy is something that I would want to express the best of me. I would want to be remembered for my big heart. It would go something like this:

She was a kind person who touched the lives of everyone she met. Her warm and sweet spirit was a light to the world. Her nurturing and compassionate ways could be likened to the love that Jesus has for us. She not only had unconditional love, but she taught it to her children and brought this same love out in other people. Her laugh, smile and loving nature will be missed by all, especially her children, with whom she shared a very close bond. She is going to meet her Maker whom she loved more than life.

Walking into my destiny

I have been thinking a lot about what I wanna do with the rest of my life... While talking with my fiance yesterday, I realized that I am still running from my destiny... People have told me that I would be a great supervisor... I am just not trying to be stressed out with all of the tasks involved with the position, but at the same time sometimes it is important to move up when u have mastered something... I feel like good things are coming, but I have to be open to receive them... I will say this, if the position opens up again, I am going for it...

livin my life

Throughout my life I have been through a lot...there are people that have been good for me and then there have been toxic ones... You know those toxic people, who live to see misfortune and drama in the lives of others... I have tried to rid myself of those people... Sometimes are easier than others... Haters are all around and sometimes closer than we think...

Thoughts...

Hiding behind a disguise
My pain
My fears
My insecurites
Buried deep beneath my blackface
my heart
like red lips
vulnerable,
asorbing abuse
Naked eyes
realizing rejection
crying in silence
exchanging sexuality
with the universality
of continual deception
altering your perception
of actuality
Comedy hiding depression
Smiles concealing truths
Routines covering mistakes
Expressing the side of me
that they want to see
hiding the real me
behind my Blackface
December 1, 2008 ~Alohanani